Terminal cancer - caring for your former wife ...

Getting there …

2012-01-28T07:02:00.001Z

The post that follows is typical of the sort of, every three or fours days, blog update (more often immediately after a chemotherapy ‘session’), that will be uploaded with effect from 0001(UK) 29 January 2012. Please be reminded, at that time, , the ‘leave comment’ option will be disabled and you are encouraged, please, for any reason / with any enquiry, to contact me either by e-mail of via Twitter (direct message).

Whilst, after midnight (UK) arising from your encouragement, the medical updates / P’s progress reports / uploads will continue, I have to admit to being sceptical and you may find the blog suddenly disappears altogether – if this occurs there will be no need to contact me & enquire.

Noting the above, opening paragraph, later today, at about 1800(UK,) I will be uploading a post, a sort of closing / personal reflection about my blogging and other experiences / observations. This will afford you, for a short time, the option to leave a final comment or a reply (if you wish) – thank you.

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Update on ‘P’ 0700(UK) Saturday January 28th 2012

P had a good day yesterday – a bitterly cold day in which she went out, in the afternoon, to visit shops in the local town. She returned, laden down with bags (inevitably) and wasted no time in sorting out her dinner. (I was ‘out’ last night and we had agreed to go ‘self catering’.) On my return I found P chatting, woman talk, with our eldest daughter. P continues, usually, to sleep well, (apart from the obvious) has no health related problems (e.g. stomach upset, headaches, nausea and the like). She checks her temperature, every day (at the same time), records the reading and all of which is generally much the same – so no problems there. P remains positive, sharp tongued and readily able to ‘sort me out’ (So, no change there). As for myself, I just let her do whatever she wants – if it makes her feel better (within reason!). I expect P to become increasingly agitated as her hospital appointment (Tuesday morning) draws ever nearer.

Tidying up …

2012-01-27T08:40:00.001Z

All bar the shouting ...

Yesterday I spent some time working (messing about) with the layout of the blog. I think that I now have it much as I want it - I depend on you getting back to me with suggestions / improvements. The current 'arrangement' will cease at 23:59(UK) on Saturday January 28 2012 and will immediately be followed by the new / revised arrangement. Applying the well used rambling, grumbling, frivolous and often plain stupid style, that (some of) you have endured for so long, I will post my final blog update tomorrow. Thereafter, every few days, focusing (only) on P and her treatment etc. the blog updates will (should) take on a more formal (hope still interesting) format - only time will tell.

Despite my thinking I had sorted out everything, I have experienced problems with Twitter - not with the Twitter account associated with this blog (thankfully), but when setting up a new, additional, user name to use in any other blog that I may start up.

You read that correctly - 'if you don't know where you are going - how will you know when you get there?'. One of my goals, this year, is to travel - anywhere. I aim to travel across a country (or, depending on the size, part of it) - it's early days yet and I might try and pair up with someone (M or F) that is thinking in the same way - anyhoo, that's the big plan. Hints, tips & suggestions (or invites) will be gratefully received. Looks like I am not the only one with this idea …’TravBuddy’

Turning to P (so to speak), everything is much the same. P remains in good spirits and I am expecting her to climb out of her bed, in the next few minutes, in order she gets herself to the doc.'s - where she has to have blood samples taken (pre-chemotherapy and, also, to identify any diabetes issues). I will update as soon as I know any more. Yesterday P visited the big store (Tesco), I attended with her, in order to buy groceries and chat with the people that she knows. It's good to see her getting out, meeting others and keeping herself active. What was slightly worrying was to see her supporting herself, almost leaning over, the store's shopping trolley - I asked, as usual, if she wanted me to push the thing but she declined. As the weather is so cold, once we had returned home, P was encouraged to sort herself out / get comfortable in front of the fire & TV (no problems there!). Once she had eaten her dinner (appetite still very good) then she promptly fell asleep. This morning P tells me that she has had a good night and, later today, is looking forward to getting out.

Feedback – various …

2012-01-26T08:24:00.001Z

Greetings – by now, hopefully, you should have seen the previous post detailing the imminent change to the blog? I have already received positive feedback about my proposals. One response suggested that, on this – the front page, I simply post a single paragraph (about P’s situation etc.) and the other ‘background stuff’ could simply be a sub-page. Good idea and that’s what I will do.

So, let’s say from next Sunday January 29th 2012, any upload to the blog will simply be a single paragraph reporting on P’s condition – no padding, no distractions – just the facts about P: how she is feeling, sleeping, eating, any symptoms / effects of the chemotherapy treatment, what happened at hospital and so on. I am sure that you get the idea – blog updates will be more of a report / statement as compared to a discussion article. As an example, see the final paragraph to this post.

Please be reminded that, when, next Sunday, I change the blog structure, I will make unavailable the option to leave comments (though Twitter DM and or e-mail is welcome). Referring to the car saga I have responded to a useful comment by Mel – read it whilst you can – it won’t be available after the weekend. Here’s the link.

P’s situation, 0820 Jan 25 2012 – P remains stable, is eating & sleeping well. All bodily functions are normal. P has been out shopping, is able to drive her car and to all intents & purposes you wouldn’t know there was an issue. Outwardly P is calm, though, as the next chemotherapy session (next Tuesday) approaches, she is quick to over react to anything that she has misheard, At these times she is (more) likely to interrupt when someone else is talking and her resultant speech is hurried and difficult to follow. Responding to her has to be applied carefully (to avoid a situation developing). I have been provided additional feedback (from her meeting her oncologist earlier this week) and she informs me that ‘I had an x-ray before meeting the oncologist and, when we met, he told me the largest tumour has grown very slightly though at a slower rate (2mm increase in the last six weeks as compared to 5mm between November and late December)’.

mailto: !!stupidexhusband@gmail.com!! (remove the exclamation ! marks)

A nice surprise ..(?)

2012-01-25T20:01:00.001Z

I was going to save this till later but I might as well tell you now.

As you have (hopefully!) identified, since Christmas 2011, I have sought to keep the blog focused only on P & her situation and less so on my personal grievances - though I admit I have occasionally ‘drifted’ on to matters affecting myself (e.g. the car) and which I thought you may have found interesting). So what?

Well, what I haven’t told you is that the ‘cleaner’ & ‘more professional’ approach has attracted a much greater number of (repeat) visitors in particular from, it appears, students and other cancer related charitable organisations. Having included my email address on the blog I have, since I declared my intent to ‘close down’ received quite a number of requests to keep the blog ‘going’. With regret, sadly, I do not want to do this (and I have informed those that have contacted me).

As an alternative I have been asked if I would provide a regular ‘limited first paragraph’ update on P – her situation / response to treatment and so on. It’s now become my understanding, as part of their studies, students are researching cancer patient support and the situation of P & myself is being closely followed. So, what to do?

For various reasons I have agreed to accept the ‘limited first paragraph’ proposal until, at least March (though I wouldn’t be surprised if I am not asked to continue until the end of the academic year (August)). After all, there’s now not such an urgency for me to ‘move on’. Apart from the ‘limited first paragraph’, the remainder of the blog (the single background page) itself will (strictly) not be updated. My email address will continue to be displayed and I will continue (I hope!) to receive the enquiries / mail & messages I receive from students (and anyone else). Any enquiry will be responded to via e-mail. The blog will not accept comments.

In summary,

The (continuing) of the blog is principally aimed at students & others with a special interest in cancer patients & cancer patient support.
Any other reader is, of course, most welcome.
The blog will continue – in a fashion, with a (new – presently being developed) single permanent ‘background’ page’ (or ‘home page’) the general content of which will not be updated.
The ‘background page’ is simply background information aimed, specifically, at new readers – in time including this background information may cease.
There will, however, (always) be a ‘limited first paragraph’, on the background page, that will contain limited information about P’s current situation.
Only this ‘limited first paragraph’ will be updated ‘as & when’.
The (SEH) Twitter account will remain though only to advise ‘followers’ that the ‘limited first paragraph’ has been updated and to receive any followers DM (Direct Message).
My email address will continue to be displayed and I will promptly respond to e-mail enquiries (about P and / or myself) made by students (or anyone else).
The blog’s (leaving a) comment option will not be available (email on any subject is welcome & encouraged).

So, what have I saved until last?:

(I have evidence that) P is actively looking for a property – though I am not putting her under any pressure (until, at least, she gets some form of ‘all clear’). I have, however, insisted that I want our youngest daughter to move out – as soon as possible.
With respect to my house, I have sought the advice of local estate agents / real estate agents and, because of its position, style and other factors, I have been informed that it will quickly sell – and I ought to limit improvements & repairs to the minimum which will attract a wider customer group including builders (the house is actually in the best part of town).
Friends & colleagues are trying to play ‘matchmaker', however I am resisting. Truth is that I am struggling to get over the ending of a previous relationship and, consequently, my confidence etc. has been significantly affected.

More later – next posting will be in the new format..

(The blog author reserves the right to close the blog without Notice)

An early start …

2012-01-25T07:33:00.001Z

Welcome back … first of all,a few admin. notes:

I have resolved the Twitter issue and this means the ‘SEH’ Twitter account will cease to exist after 31st January 2012 (ditto the blog).

As closure day 2359UK, 31st January 2012 approaches there is a sense of nervousness and sadness and this is causing me to sleep badly; it’s been another restless night – so what's new? I have included an update on the car saga at the very end of this post / foot of this page (so you might skip it if you wish).

P had a very busy day, yesterday – her hospital visit was followed by a visit to a friend’s house where she, and others, were treated to cakes etc. and which afforded all present to swap notes (and gossip). Arriving home, P looked very tired and once she had eaten (I had prepared pork chops etc – mmm mmm!), she promptly fell asleep. This week we have our eldest daughter staying with us – it’s nice to have everyone together (In theory, as the youngest continues to live a remote life up in her room). The eldest daughter, her with horrible co-tenants at the shared house, is moving into a different property, next week and to avoid paying a month’s rent (when she will only be at the ‘horrible place’ for a further week) is ‘back home’. She works full time and yesterday evening, after she had fed herself, it was amusing to see her & P falling asleep in their chair – honestly it was like a care home for the elderly!

Later this week P has to attend the local doc. where a blood sample will be taken (and ‘sent off’) prior to her chemotherapy next Tuesday. At the same time she will have another blood sample taken for the purpose of identifying diabetes. I am detecting, not unexpectedly, the nervous agitation returning (prior to her chemotherapy) and this isn’t helped by her knowing she has agreed to move out in a shade over two months.

Inevitably, the nastiness has been flashed up, by her, and the, wholly unfair / untrue accusation ‘you are throwing me out’ has been raised. SEH, that I am, I just try and let it go over my head – after a while you become hardened, dare I say immune, to the unreasonable / unexpected behaviour etc. of people that you care about.. So, noting all of that, today I expect P to surface at about midday and well, it will just be another day.

More later.

Technorati Tags: Cancer,tenants,family,blood sample,nastiness

The car -

Going back to yesterday and the issues revolving around the new car. I left off where I had been informed that there was a ‘misunderstanding’ on the part of the sales team at the service centre.

At the meeting with the service manager, earlier this week, it had quickly become clear that the fault with my car had not been correctly diagnosed. I had relied on their expertise and their mis-diagnosis had spiralled downwards (I would hate to be the ‘technician’ responsible for the diagnosis). Sharing ‘knowing looks’ that we both now knew the situation (the errors) I asked if ‘somehow’ we could come to an arrangement.

Let’s come to the point: The service manager didn’t correctly brief the sales team. The sales team thought my car was a ‘runner’ and that I wanted to ‘trade it in’ i.e. just a regular sale. They quoted me a trade in price and I accepted. When the sales team subsequently realised my car was a non runner they tried to reduce their trade in offer on the back of ‘there are still outstanding service charges to pay’. These ‘charges’ were invalid (and we all knew that we all knew – so to speak). I was asked to accept a reduced trade in value (to offset their mistakes) and I refused.

I asked to meet the finance manager and, subsequently, I received a ‘phone call whereby they backed off and I would receive the agreed trade in figure and … well, that’s about it. I collect the car sometime next week. A very unpleasant & stressful experience (still, for one reason or another, I am getting used to these).

Some good, bad & then other news …

2012-01-24T16:24:00.001Z

This morning P has attended the hospital and met up with her oncologist. As I have previously mentioned, the meeting is to discuss any after effects of the most recent chemotherapy (two weeks ago) and a ‘look forward’ to the next, the second of six chemotherapy ‘sessions, next Tuesday. The oncologist is really nice, ‘old school’ (i.e. polite – you could say a bit like myself!) and he asked P to provide her feedback. P explained, apart from the initial problems –‘the shakes’, excessive thirst, dizziness and confusion that she had recovered and was feeling very well. The one remaining issue is that her eyesight is affected i.e. she continues to experience slight blurred vision.

The oncologist replied that everything, from a treatment point of view, has been very successful and they are pleased that it all worked. P attends for her next treatment as planned and hopefully it will be as successful as the previous. With respect to her blurred vision there is, subject to further tests, a high probability that she is now / has become diabetic and regular investigation procedures are to follow. So, all in all, reasonably good news.

On the subject of the blog & Twitter closure … The blog will definitely be closed (see top of this page). As an aside, I have created a new Twitter account that will not relate to this blog / my existing lifestyle & related issues – the only problem is that, for reasons unknown to me it, the new Twitter account, was created and then immediately suspended (by Twitter). I suspect an error, on my part, during registration. I have noted it above (top of the page) and will provide an update as soon as I am able (when Twitter restore this new account). In the meantime the existing / SEH Twitter account will remain active (and only be deleted when my new Twitter account issue is resolved). WTS.

Many thanks to ‘Mel’ for the Tweet & blog comment to my earlier post (about my car problems). As I wait to hear from the main dealer that the ‘new’ car has been received by them (someone else’s part exchange), serviced, inspected (MoT) and checked over / valeting undertaken, I have to accept that there is not much I can do to get at the ‘local dealer’. As some of you know / might remember, I tend to apply the ‘what if?’ & ‘so what?’ principles. ‘What if I write to the local dealer venting forth my anger & opinion of their service standards?’ They will probably think ‘So what?’. They will assume I am not going to sue them, complain to any third party or involve the media – it will do no good – so why bother responding (to him)? Put it down to experience. Maybe, in a couple of years, I might upgrade, with the main dealer – it’s the only way that you get peace of mind (though it doesn’t come cheap).

Bad news … Later in the morning …Oh dear … just had a ‘phone call from the sales team (main dealer) and there’s some ‘misunderstanding’ (on their part) about what they have agreed to allow me in part exchange / absorbing the bill for the (unnecessary) work on the knackered car. Presently I am sat, buttocks clenched, waiting to hear what their (revised?) understanding is …. shoot (or something).

Other news: Update on the car (finance): The man has just ‘phoned (1600UK) and … I will tell you tomorrow.

That’s enough for today – yet another seriously stressful, very cold, wet and miserable (outside) day.

More later.

Technorati Tags: Cancer,chemotherapy,new car,rip off merchant

A Yorkshireman gets taken (again) …

2012-01-23T18:47:00.001Z

Hi and welcome back (nine days till I close down, best I get a move on and bring you up to date – I have brought ‘close down’ date forward to 31st January 2012):

Tomorrow is a big day for P when she meets her oncologist. We understand the (regular) meeting is to discuss problems, if any, that may have arisen since the previous chemotherapy treatment (approx. two weeks ago). P is quite positive and just wants to get on with it – as things stand, at present, she will attend the oncology department, of the local hospital, a week tomorrow. We understand that a hospital bed will be available (‘standing by’) in the event that she becomes unwell, during the treatment, and has to be nursed (or whatever).

Today P has visited the shops and I accompanied her to assist etc. though, believe me, she needs no assistance when it comes to spending(!). All in all we had quite an enjoyable day. No news yet on her house hunting though this takes second priority to the chemotherapy treatment, next week, which is critical and to which is attached a huge risk of a dangerous reaction.

The other news, today, of course relates to my meeting the service manager at the ‘main dealer’ (in the nearby city). I had slept badly, worrying, (there’s nothing worse than worrying without being able to seek comfort / advice from a n other, is there?) and I woke with the aim of putting together a written summary of my worries & discontent (about the escalating cost of (possibly unnecessary) repairs to my car). On arriving at the service centre I met the service manager and I have to admit that he could not have been more professional or helpful. After discussion about the earlier work, undertaken at the local garage, it quickly became clear that I have been ‘screwed’ / ‘stiffed’. The local garage have, clearly, undertaken certain actions, when my car was serviced by them (in November) that have resulted in the fault which occurred. In a nutshell they have created an extra and potentially expensive job. Once the service centre manager (at the main dealer, today) explained then it was a case of where do we go from here?

To cut a long story short they agreed to let me trade in my car for a newer (used) car and, at the same time, they have written off the cost of the works thus far. The new(ish) car is guaranteed parts & labour for twelve months and two free annual service (for 2013 & 2014) together with guaranteed passing of annual inspection (at no cost to me) in the same years. All in all it was probably the best I could have got out of this shambles – all of which (together with my other worries) has left me seriously stressed. Let’s see what happens next.

Suitably cheered up I so nearly, very nearly signed up for a contract / iPod ‘phone but then the Yorkshire caution kicked in. A lucky escape.

Thanks for calling.

More later.

Technorati Tags: Car repair,MoT motoring costs,inspection,cowboy mechanics

Hardly a surprise … is it ..?

2012-01-22T12:19:00.001Z

Good morning & welcome back :)

I have decided on the ‘break’ – I will be upgrading my backpacking / lightweight camping equipment and, from March 10th 2012 (when I return from my course) , looking forward to enjoying life. I will be going down to Devon (trekking on Dartmoor – Sherlock Holmes ‘Hound of the Baskervilles’). Maybe in time I will visit the US and go trekking on one of the serious long distance walks – maybe, it’s just a thought.

As I have previously mentioned - to be honest, with the exception of a daily summary of P’s progress (decline?), there’s little I am able to contribute to the blog apart from events that might, day to day, be happening in my own life (e.g.getting the car fixed, buying a new PC and so on). I will continue to ‘Tweet’ this day to day rubbish and which will include any significant issues affecting P. Feel free to leave a comment or question, on the blog or send me an email (see below) if ever you want to know anything – I promise to reply.

However, note below …

My honest opinion is that I feel the blog has run its course and I don’t believe it’s serving any useful purpose – in addition I believe that it’s in the best interests of myself (and others) if the blog is ended which will allow closure to be brought to other issues. On March 31st 2012, the blog will be permanently deleted. I should advise you that, on the same date, my Twitter account will also be deleted.

Let me thank you for following the blog, several of you, especially of late, have been extremely supportive – & I gratefully thank you. I would say that I have really enjoyed blogging – but, as time has gone on, increasingly less so (with this particular blog).

If you wish me to keep you up to date then please drop me an email (hope you do).

000XXX

stupidexhusband!@!gmail.com (delete the 2 x !)